Sunday, October 16, 2011

Finding my faith in the Wilderness

1 Then Jesus was led up by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. 2 He fasted forty days and forty nights, and afterwards he was famished. 3 The tempter came and said to him, "If you are the Son of God, command these stones to become loaves of bread." 4 But he answered, "It is written, "one does not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.' “5 Then the devil took him to the holy city and placed him on the pinnacle of the temple, 6 saying to him, "If you are the Son of God, throw yourself down; for it is written, "He will command his angels concerning you,' and "On their hands they will bear you up, so that you will not dash your foot against a stone.' “7 Jesus said to him, "Again it is written, "do not put the Lord your God to the test.' “8 Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor; 9 and he said to him, "All these I will give you, if you will fall down and worship me." 10 Jesus said to him, "Away with you, Satan! For it is written, "Worship the Lord your God, and serve only him.' “11 Then the devil left him, and suddenly angels came and waited on him.

This story took on new meaning after YAV transition retreat.  I have heard the scripture interpreted many different directions in many different sermons. When I heard this particular passage something inside me clicked. I don’t know if it was because of where I was (Ghost Ranch in New Mexico) or because of the people I was with (my fellow YAVA) but this scripture has taken on new meaning for me.

I finished one year of service and jumped right into the next one. I did this because I felt a call to do a second year but I also believe I chose to do a second year was because I was scared. I was scared of going into the wilderness and the temptation that I would face.

The wilderness has come anyway. Before transition retreat I thought of the wilderness as a negative place to be. No one around. No one to talk to. Nothing to do. Something to fear. I left transition retreat almost a month ago and I just now comprehend what my wilderness is and why it is necessary for me to grow into who God wants me to be.

Wilderness is a time of growth, a time of reflection, a time of learning and accepting the tasks God has set before you. For me those tasks are becoming clearer every day.  MY wilderness is not a physical wilderness such as Jesus’ but it has been more of a mind set and a place in my heart. I have been seeing myself alone abandoned by God. I have been yelling at God “I CAN NOT SEE YOU!”  When If I had been paying more attention to what has been going on around me I would have seen God more often than not. In the new relationships I am forming at Metro Carering. In the hundreds of clients we see everyday that would otherwise go hungry, be evicted or lose power. It is in the face of the client who is so grateful to receive a can of tuna that they cry. That is the face of God in my wilderness.

Jesus   ministry came from his wilderness journey. It came from him being alone listening to God, seeking God.

I am in my wilderness Journey right now. Mine has been more than 40 day and I am not sure how much longer it will last but what I do know is that God is here with me in the wilderness waiting to send his angels down when I am ready to accept them .

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