I will write about the easy going stuff first. Work is going GREAT! I absolutely love my job. I never thought working from eight to five would be something that I wanted to do but sure enough it is. I love the people I work with. They make me think and figure things out for myself (something I have never really been required to do before.) They encourage me to be who I am and not someone they think I should be. I think most importantly they accept me for who I am right now. They are not trying to change me. They understand that even though I do not have the training they do that I have a passion for what I am doing.
The YAV house is going well too. We have our weekly meetings with our site coordinator Kathy every Friday. This past Friday Evan led us in the Examen. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the Examen it is a type of daily, weekly, monthly or even yearly reflection. It is a very simple process. All you do is focus yourself on Christ and think about the consolations and desolation's (highs and lows, POW and wows the good and the bad) and you let yourself feel the feelings. I have started doing this every night and I have never felt better. The best days are when you have trouble choosing one consolation or have no desolations.
I am also driving to Louisville Kentucky early Thursday morning for their “Explore Louisville Seminary” weekend! I am so Excited! I will be spending my birthday visiting a Seminary, HOW AWESOME! I have also Volunteered to work the “Make a Difference “ music tour (Third Day , Toby Mac, Michael W Smith and Max Lacado) on October 9th ! October is going to be an AMAZING MONTH!
Now for the Deep stuff! (GET READY!)
As I continue this year in New Orleans there are many difficulties that I have to overcome. Some are physical, some are emotional, and some are spiritual. The physical ones never last long so they are relatively small difficulties. The major difficulties are the spiritual and emotional. Each of these difficulties would be easy to tame on their own however, when the two are intertwined the difficulty level rises from a five to somewhere between an eight and nine. I think that for me the feelings I have of not being worthy of someone’s attention (emotional) coincide with me not feeling worthy of Jesus and His love (spiritual). I am sure I am not the only person that has not felt worthy of love. I know that I am worth of love and I deserve love but, why do I deserve Jesus’ love?
I am a sinner. I curse, I am quick to anger, I am envious, and sometimes I lie (yes I lie) and yet this guy I have never met died for me and loves me. I find much difficulty in this. I don’t understand how someone I have never met can love me and my faults. I have been trying to figure this out and this is my conclusion.
Jesus loves me even though I am not worthy of it. It cannot be said any simpler. I do not have to work for his love and I do not deserve his love but it there. It is there when I lay my head on my pillow and go to sleep. It is there when I wake up late for work and curse at my alarm clock for not going off when I know I set it to. He is there for me when I am having an amazing day and when I feel like the whole world is coming to an end. His love is like no other love, it has no conditions or limitations. It has no sell by or expiration date.
PSALM 139
1 O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.
you know it completely, O LORD.
5 You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.
you have laid your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, [a] you are there.
if I make my bed in the depths, [a] you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"
and the light become night around me,"
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to [b] me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake,
I am still with you.
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake,
I am still with you.
19 If only you would slay the wicked, O God!
Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!
Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!
20 They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.
your adversaries misuse your name.
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD,
and abhor those who rise up against you?
and abhor those who rise up against you?
22 I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.
I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
and lead me in the way everlasting.
Jesus was a man who taught his disciples to make a difference in the world through their love and their compassion. He showed the world His love though His sacrifice and compassion for everyone. Everyone does not mean the WASP that lives next door to you or your coworker who has something that you want. It means EVERYONE. The mother and daughter who’s car broke down and all they need is a snack and water, it means homeless man on the side of the street who just wants someone to talk to and someone who will listen to him. This message has not changed in the years that have gone by. I can thank Jesus for his UN earned love by doing what I am doing. I am helping others in need. I am showing His love that lives inside me by the way I am treating others.
I will never fully grasp the concept of love, whether I have to earn it or not. But I will continue to thank Jesus for his love by showing the world how it has changed me and moved me.
PHEW!
Okay so my new favorite singer is Matthew West and below are the lyrics to my absolute favorite song
My Own Little World
In my own little world it hardly ever rains
I’ve never gone hungry, always felt safe
I got some money in my pocket, shoes on my feet
In my own little world
Population: me
I try to stay awake during Sunday morning church
I throw a twenty in the plate, but I never give ’til it hurts
And I turn off the news when I don’t like what I see
It’s easy to do when it’s
Population: me
What if there’s a bigger picture?
What if I’m missing out?
What if there’s a greater purpose
I could be living right now
Outside my own little world
Stopped at a red light, looked out my window
I saw a cardboard sign, said “Help this homeless widow”
And just above that sign was the face of a human
I thought to myself, “God, what have I been doing?”
So I rolled down the window and I looked her in the eye
Oh how many times have I just passed her by?
I gave her some money then I drove on through
I’ve never gone hungry, always felt safe
I got some money in my pocket, shoes on my feet
In my own little world
Population: me
I try to stay awake during Sunday morning church
I throw a twenty in the plate, but I never give ’til it hurts
And I turn off the news when I don’t like what I see
It’s easy to do when it’s
Population: me
What if there’s a bigger picture?
What if I’m missing out?
What if there’s a greater purpose
I could be living right now
Outside my own little world
Stopped at a red light, looked out my window
I saw a cardboard sign, said “Help this homeless widow”
And just above that sign was the face of a human
I thought to myself, “God, what have I been doing?”
So I rolled down the window and I looked her in the eye
Oh how many times have I just passed her by?
I gave her some money then I drove on through
And my own little world reached
Population: two
What if there’s a bigger picture?
What if I’m missing out?
What if there’s a greater purpose
That I could be living right now
Outside my own little world
My own little world
Father break my heart for what breaks Yours
Give me open hands and open doors
Put Your light in my eyes and let me see
That my own little world is not about me
What if there’s a bigger picture?
What if I’m missing out?
What if there’s a greater purpose
That I could be living right now
aI don't wanna miss what matters
I wanna be reaching out
Show me the greater purpose
So I can start living right now
Outside my own little world
My own little world
My own little world
Meagan! So profound. Glad to hear you are doing well and can't wait to see you later this week for your BIRTHDAY! Thanks for sharing the song, I really like it! Psalm 139 has helped me and continues to help me through a lot of emotional baggage. I hope it has the same power for you too. If you ever need anything, I'm just a phone call away!
ReplyDeletelove,
--elaine