Fully Believe

I know it has been a long time since my last post and I apologize. I have deep in the thick of things here in New Orleans. My life here has been like a rollercoaster. So what I am going to do is give you an update about where I am now and what has been going on.

 December

I was able to go home for Christmas break. That was a well needed vacation. I was able to relax in catch up with some friends while I was home in Bryan.  As soon as I got back to New Orleans (January 2^nd) life picked immediately back up with the YAV house and at the hospital. 

            January

As many of you know I applied to Louisville Presbyterian Theological Seminary. I got a letter mid January letting me know that I was not accepted for the upcoming fall semester but was encouraged to reapply for the fall semester beginning in 2012. This was a major blow in what I thought was the next step. I will go more into detail about this later on in the post. (I’m still just giving a quick recap). Other than the letter from Louisville January was an uneventful and cold month.  

February

 February was a great month! Carnival season started in New Orleans and that meant two things. 1) More king cake than anyone could ever want to eat and 2) PARADES! (But they would come near the end of the month). I continued my work at Ochsner visiting patients. I was assigned another floor where I was to do Pastoral Care for not only the Patients but staff as well.  Carnival season officially started off the second to last weekend in February with Krew De Vioux parade in the French Quarter. All of the YAVS went together for our first Mardi Gras Experience. I thought I knew what to expect. I WAS WRONG! Mardi Gras in New Orleans is Crazy but it is not the type of crazy that you see and hear about on TV. Yes there are parades like that but very few. Most of the Parades are family oriented.

March Pre Mardi Gras

March is when the real fun began. Mardi gras fell late in the year so the weather was wonderful. Some rain but for the most part it was great. The parades started in full swing on March 4^th.  March 5^th my supervisor from Ochsner was riding in the Krew of Iris Parade. I had the opportunity, apparently are rare one, to help Jennie load the float the throws (beads, cups, stuffed animals and probably anything else you could think have that is easily thrown) and to get on the float for a few min. I actually got to throw some of the throws to people before the parade started. It rained Saturday so one of the “super Krews” ENDYMION, parade was moved to Sunday. ENDYMION would now Follow another “super Krew” Bacchus. Sunday was going to be a long day!

After Church on Sunday I met up with Katie her friend Ellison and Tasha and headed over to Saint Charles Avenue to watch the Parades. The Parades are notorious for not starting on time. Bacchus was scheduled to roll (begin) at 5pm. By the time it actually rolled it was closer to 7. It got to where we were on the parade route about 8pm. I don’t think I left until Endymion was over around 1 am.

            The Monday before Mardi Gras is known as Lundigras.  Lundi Gras and Fat Tues are holidays here so that people can enjoy the time with their families. I paraded in the evening knowing that Tuesday was going to be a long day. I, along with some of the Project Homecoming Volunteers Camped out on the Neutral ground Monday night in preparation for Fat Tuesday.

            Fat Tuesday consisted of the parades of Zulu which usually rolls at 8am and Rex which would immediately follow. I have never had an experience like the one I had that night. There were 100s of people camping out and grilling all through out the night. The spot where we were set up was right across from Popeye’s Fried chicken. Popeye’s closed at 1 am. Reopened at 5am and by 6 am there was a line for friend chicken with at least 100 people in it. Needless to say by the time Zulu rolled and got to where we were on the route it was after 9am. Zulu wrapped up about noon.

When I counted I saw no less than 14 parades this Carnival season!

March Post Mardi Gras

I immediately jumped back into the Hospital life on Ash Wednesday doing two services for the hospital staff and Going room by room for those who requested the ashes. I felt so blessed to be a part of a service like that.

March 17-20 I was in Louisville Kentucky for the International YAV placement event. I was applying for the international sites of Kenya and Korea. Unfortunately

 International placement was not where God wanted me for this next year so I am now looking into the National sites of Hollywood Atlanta and Denver. I have also been offered a second year at my site here in New Orleans.

            When I arrived back to the Hospital on Monday the 21^st I had a patient that I had been spending a lot of time with during the past month pass away. I was close with the family and so they requested that I be up there with them during the time that she was passing. I went up there and we (the family and I) surrounded her in a circle of love and I prayed for her and then we sang Amazing Grace. By the end of the song she passed.  I have not fully comprehended the entire situation yet. I went to her funeral on Saturday and paid my respects and worshiped with her family and friends. I am grateful for that closure

The time since my last post has been filled with physical sickness and health as well as spiritual weakness and health. I have a hard time understanding God’s call in my life and where I fit in.

During this YAV year the house read a book by Henri Nouwen called Life of the Beloved: Spiritual Living in a Secular World. If you have not read this book I highly suggest it. The   First time I read it I did not fully grasp the message that it was sending but the further I get into this year the deeper the message of the book is sinking in.

“All I want to say to you is, “You are the Beloved”, And I hope that you can hear these words with all the tenderness and force that love can hold.

My only desire is to make these words reverberate in every corner of your being- “You are Beloved.””

                                                Henri Nouwen

These words and His book are slowly sticking with me through ever situation that I have encountered since the first reading as a YAV group. I had the second opportunity to read and discuss the book at the Tuesday night Bible Studies at Metairie Ridge Presbyterian Church. The Part of the book that is most inspiring to me is the chapters entitled. Taken, Blessed, Broken, and Given.

 These seam simple enough however looks are deceiving. These four simple words stem from the Last Supper. Jesus TOOK the bread. He BLESSED the bread. He BROKE the Bread and then he GAVE the bread. Theses are all important concepts that we need to grasp before we can accept the FACT that we are beloved

We are taken.  A better word would be chosen. We are chosen by God. We are seen by God in our preciousness, in our distinctiveness and our uniqueness. We are seen as precious in God's eyes. This does not mean that others are not chosen. It is not a “we are better than them” type scenario

It is vital that you and I know that we are blessed. The word Blessing means to say good things about people. We all want blessings no matter how small.

The third aspect is that we are all broken. I am broken in unique ways and so are you. I used to look at my brokenness and think that it made me unworthy of blessings. Sometimes is still think this way.  To fully become the beloved we have to accept our brokenness. I have to accept my past mistakes, relationships and transgressions. Our Brokenness is what makes us who we are. We are called to embrace our brokenness and the brokenness of those around us. Sometimes the way we can accept our brokenness is to accept the brokenness of the others around us. I have come to the harsh realization that some people who I put on a pedestal are broken. No one is unbroken. If there was such a person there would be no need for Jesus and His salvation on the cross

Given. We are all given to the world as a gift. It is a process of healing. Only when we accept that we are people who are taken, Chosen by God, We are blessed by God and we are broken in God we can give ourselves to others. We are called to outlive our lives. We have to trust in God and that He knows where our gifts can best be given

YAVS at the race track

             I am coming to fully believe that I a beloved Child of God. Through God I can do amazing and wonderful things in this life. Sometimes I think that I am to one thing such as being a YAV in Africa or South Korea but God has chosen me to do something different at this moment in my life. That does not mean that it does not hurt or that I am not disappointed. I cried for a long while after coming back from the placement event. However looking back on it now I am thankful for the opportunity that I was given. I met wonderful people and have made connections that will last a life time. I am accepting my Brokenness everyday. It is hard but I have never felt closer to God than I do at this moment. God will give me where he sees there is a need for me. Right now that need is not in Africa or South Korea.  I hope that I can soon see where God is calling me to continue to do his work in this world